excerpt, email correspondence:

"anyway, still kinda feelin cracked out so i'm gonna go....

okay no wait, one quick story real fast - you will totally laugh. so i'm at the grocery store today by my house and i get some deli meat cut at the deli. the guy tells me the total and then asks me to pay so i pay although i think its weird that i have to pay at the deli. so i walk away and go further into the store and then i decide to put the meat in my bag since i already paid and i dont want to get charged twice for it. i do make sure to put the receipt with it in the bag. so then later i am looking at the entenmann's doughnuts wistfully when this kinda creepy black guy comes up to me and kind of taps me and is all like, come with me. and i'm all, what? and he's like, come with me. and i'm like, why???? (the guy at the deli was hitting on me, and even though he was nice i was kinda irritated at guys at the moment.) and he's like, come with me, and i'm like, nooooo, you tell me why first, creepy random dude. and then he's like, don't embarrass yourself...and i got a blank look on my face... and he's like, i saw what you put in your bag! keep in mind, he is totally in dirty street clothes and not official looking at all. so i'm like, i paid for it already, the receipt is in there, see! and he comes all over and is like, what else you got in that bag? and starts looking in, all accusing like. (too bad a giant tampon wasnt right on top, you know?) and i'm like, uh, my drink from lunch...etc, etc. so then he kinda drops the shit and is like, don't put that stuff in your bag, okay? like i was so crazy for putting something i paid for in my bag. and i'm like, okay, fine, no worries, dude! shit. and all i could think after is that if the man saw me put the meat in my bag, he clearly must have seen me PAY FOR THE MEAT 45 seconds before that. anyway, it just cracked me up to be busted for shoplifting without even stealing anything. after all that, i did buy myself some damn doughnuts!!!!"