Monday, May 26, 2008

an addendum, not a correction

i still mostly feel like shit - for of course, there is always the problem of other people. when self-contained, thinking of myself, i am fine... but it stops there. a strange border fence. no one swimming through the ocean or river, risking their life to cross it.

i am so worried, i am very concerned for you.

even more perfect weather tonight - warm air, cool breeze, damp sky and intermittent raindrops. reminded me, almost exactly, of home. of the ocean. of the orange glow of sodium arc lights in the fog. of the delicious nervousness of anticipation. i can't say that i miss home, exactly, but i miss the feeling of it very much indeed. and that is exactly what can never come again.

walked past a memorial day party on my way home, in the courtyard of one of the bushwick houses. balloons decorating the iron fence, plastic chairs, red plastic cups, laughter. it made me indescribably sad in the darkness.

nowhere to call home but myself.

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