on desire, I

i know i shouldn't spend the dollar on sugar
but i do anyway
the chocolate chips make me sigh with pleasure
i don't even mean to
my reheated lunch that i don't want to eat
tastes perfectly fine although it is a week old
and i cut mold off of the green peppers

it is not as easy as philosophers say
this poem is shit now that i've written it out and it
was perfectly fine in my head
my project is to discover
my desires, to unchoke their leaf-filled gutters but

i wanted to write this poem down
and i can't
i want to lose ten pounds and
forget everything i know about nutrition so i can
eat cookies without guilt
but i can't
i want to spend all my money on coke that we lick off
each others nipples before you
trace my contours with the razor blade
and i want to hear you say
that you want it too,
that you want me to hear you say
that you want it
but you wont, because you can't,
so i can't.

i can't.